13 Years and 5 Months

Today is our 13th anniversary.  It marks the beginning of our 14th year of marriage.  As I look back over the last year I can’t believe the things we have seen, done, experienced.  I barely know that person I used to be.  We have known such sadness, and joy.  I’m forever grateful that I get to walk my life with my best friend.  I can’t imagine a better person to share my life with.  Neither of us is perfect, but we are perfect for each other.  We have grown a lot over the last year, grown closer as only sharing the loss of a child can bring you.   Today also marks the 5th month since Xander quietly passed from this life to the next.  That experience has forged a bond between us of shared heartache and grief that no one else understands.  No other earthly person was there when we held our little boy in our arms with tears on our face and quietly told him how much we love him, and how we were so grateful to be his parents and then watched him go.  No other person has held me while I cried, and cried.  No other person has comforted me like my husband, my best friend, my love.  Cameron will be the first person to tell you that he is not the most romantic guy on the planet.  But I want to share with you one of the sweetest moments of my life.  So one of the hardest things you could ever endure is recovering from having a baby, without having a baby.  It’s quite horrid.  One of the many things that makes it hard is that you still have to go back to the doctor for your 6 week checkup.  It is literally that last place you want to be, surrounded by pregnant people.  Well I was having major anxiety about going to Seattle for my 6 week appointment.  So all the way down to Seattle Cameron sang the song Just the Way You Are   by Bruno Mars to me.  It was so sweet, and helped me mellow out enough that I was able to face going to my appointment.  It’s little things like that, that make me realize how lucky I am.  I love you Cam!!