We checked off another thing on our Things to do before we leave Washington list. After 8 years of living here we finally went to the tulip festival. It was beautiful, but since it was a nice day there were TONS and TONS of people. But I’m glad we went it was worth the experience.
Kaylynn’s 10th birthday marks Cameron’s and I’s first decade of being a parent. I can’t believe how time goes by so fast, too fast for my liking! Kaylynn at 10 is a very beautiful girl inside and out. She is very smart in school and easily excels at all her subjects but we are coming to find out more and more that she is quite the Math wizard. Kaylynn is also very caring and super sweet. She is the best oldest child a mom could hope for. She has always been very, very tall for her age. At 10 she is 5’3” and wears a women size 9 shoe! Kaylynn loves playing sports especially soccer, reading, playing piano and her friends. She also likes to write books and is very good at it, though I have yet to see a finished one 
, too busy with all her other interests to finish one…yet.
Sunday was such a horrid, horrid day for me I’m not sure I’ll have any tears left for my least favorite day of the week. So I want to share with you something that I love. I know you haven’t seen any, but we do have pictures of Xander and his birth. But even though I won’t show you the picture, I want to tell you about my favorite one. I’ve looked at it a lot lately, it’s a picture of Cameron holding Xander up to my head while the doctors are still trying to sew me up. In the picture you can see Cameron holding Xander, Cameron’s free hand is resting on my head, as he is looking down on Xander, my head is turned to the side and I’m also looking at Xander while my free hand is resting on Xander’s head. It’s like we formed a little circle of love, hands on heads. You can see it in our eyes the love that is because of that sweet, sweet boy. Looking at it gives me a great sense of peace, I brings back the feelings I had in that moment, what it felt like to be with him, it makes me smile. Someday when the kids are grown I think I’ll have that picture framed for our bedroom.
A had to endure the stupidest conversation ever the other day. This lady told me I was lucky, that I had it easier in some ways because we knew that Xander was sick, and that it should make it (his death) easier for me because it was “expected”. Let me tell you some of the things I expected as Xander’s mother. First I expected to be pregnant for 40 weeks, to once again gain a lot more weight then I ever wanted to, to be tired and achy. I expected to get to May and have only one pair of pants to wear until the middle of June. I expected June to come very slowly, for it sometimes to feel like it would never get here. I expected to daydream about him, wonder what he would look like, or be like, & when he would arrive. I expected to one day in June go to the hospital and have our third son, and our sixth child. I expected to experience the pain of labor literally overcome with the joy of birth. I expected to have him placed on my chest as I relished in the miracle of him, to wipe clean his face as I gazed into his eyes for the first time. I expected to hold him to my breast, to nurse him to create that bond that only is between a mother and her baby. I expected to bring him home. I expected to introduce him to his brothers and sisters. I expected late nights, with little sleep. I expected to hold him very late at night when everyone else in the house was asleep, hold him in my arms in that quiet moment and just be, me and him. I expected two more years of diapers. I expected to watch mesmerized by all of his firsts, first roll over, first crawl, first sit-up, first food, first walk, first word. It never gets old by the way, just because I have done it five times before him. I expected to hold him when he fell and hurt his knee, to wipe away his tears. I expected birthday cakes and parties. I expected to cry as I dropped him off for his fist day of kindergarten. I expected to be proud when he scored his first goal, or read his first book. I expected to teach him to be a good person, to love others, to treat people with respect. I expected to watch him grow from a baby, to a little boy, to a boy, to a teen, to a man. I expected to watch him get baptized, do boy scouts, have his first crush, first love, heartbreak, go on a mission. I expected one day to watch him get married and have his own family. I expected to be his mom.
I really truly know, I’m still his mom. But my arms ache from the want of holding him, and it makes no difference that it was “expected”. The only thing that makes it easier is the knowledge that Christ truly did overcome the grave and that one day my arms will ache no more.
Tanner was born on April 9th a lovely Sunday afternoon. If you read the post about Paytyn’s birth you know that she was so easy and painless, well the opposite was true with Tanner’s birth. It was by far the most physically painful thing I have EVER experienced. I don’t know if I was making up for Paytyn’s birth being so easy or what, but I really can’t describe how horrible Tanner’s birth was. He was born FAST and without any pain meds. But we can look back on it now and laugh because I had Cameron in a headlock as this huge nurse was trying to hold me down screaming in my face “DON’T PUSH, DON’T PUSH” because the doctor wasn’t there. And when they finally told me to push I kept telling them I didn’t think that was a very good idea. It was all very dramatic, very painful but thankfully over very, very quickly. Sometime I’ll have to share the whole story it is kind of hilarious.
This year the kids all get to pick a place to go and eat for their birthday. So on the way to school I asked Tanner where he wanted to go that night for dinner. He said “I wanna go to that froggy place!” Both of the big girls looked at him really strangely and said “WHERE?? There isn’t a froggy place” Tanner kept insisting that he wanted to go to the frog restaurant. The girls kept trying to guess what he was talking about it was so hilarious. Finally I had pity on them all and said “you mean I Hop” Tanner responded with a resounding “YES! I HOP!!” So that is where we went to dinner for Tanner’s birthday. The froggy place!
He also wanted a monster cake for his birthday, I found this one at Bakerella. She of course used cake pops for the eyeballs but I just used large marshmallows. It was really, really easy to make, and pretty fast to put together plus he thought it turned out pretty great.
Tanner is a typical 6 year old boy he loves all things sports, cars, dirt, etc. Tanner is also very kind hearted, he is a strong protector of his sisters and family. Tanner loves kindergarten and is doing really well, I’ll really miss him next year when he goes to school everyday all day. We are so lucky to have such a handsome, bright, kind little boy as our son.
