8 Months

A year ago this week my life started falling apart.  A year ago today I was sitting in a hospital room, in terrible pain making the hardest decision of my life.  Surgery while pregnant.  Even though my doctor and the surgeon kept reassuring me that the risks were small, I still agonized over it.  I spent most of the day praying.  I was at peace about the surgery but when I asked if the baby would be alright, I never felt that peace I was seeking so I couldn’t choose and in the end I didn’t have a choice, I just wasn’t getting better.  Little did I know that 17 weeks later I would be back in a hospital making the hardest decision of my life. I know I’ll never know for sure if having that surgery is what caused Xander’s Hydrops.  No one can tell me that it did, but they also can’t tell me that it didn’t .  That’s hard.  I can’t believe it’s been 8 months, that’s longer than I was even pregnant with him.

We miss you Xander, we wish you were here, we love you. 

Mom & Dad