Dear Xander

How can it possibly be a year, a year since we met you, and held you.  I wish I could live those moments over again, even though they were hard, they were the most precious moments  of my life.  Telling you I love you, seeing you move your little arms while your dad snuggled you.  The only memories I have of your life, are of your birth and then death that’s hard, I wish I had more. But nothing short of a lifetime would ever be enough.  I can still remember what it felt like to be with you, I might not have a lot of memories to draw from, but the feeling in that operating room when you were born was like nothing I have ever felt before, you’re so bright,strong, and valiant such inadequate words but I don’t know how else to describe you.    Sometimes I close my eyes and wrap myself in those feelings and memories and I can almost see you, see the valiant man that you are.  We talk about you often and miss you like crazy.  We love you so, so much and can’t wait to hold you again.

My love always,
Mom